Well...it was inevitable. Having the theme of Ladies' Night for Friday Night Fights has lead me to present the one thing I swore I would never write about:
Lois Lane doing roller derby.
Oh, Gerry Conway, what hath thou wrought?
OK, so Perry White, once again deciding that reporting on actual news events in the biggest city in the world is somehow beneath the Daily Planet, sends Lois Lane undercover to investigate roller derby.
Man, it hurts just to type that.
You see, the Metropolis Rockets advertise themselves as "The Fastest Roller Team in the World!" But Perry asked some experts, and they say that the Rockets actually skate faster than is "humanly possible"!!!! So he sends his best investigative reporter undercover to figure out how.
Meanwhile, after Lois makes the team, obviously tragedy has to happen. Out of nowhere, one of her teammates suddenly starts skating out of control--lethally so:
Lois' investigation uncovers the shocking fact that the Rockets...(wait for it) use motorized skates!!
Yes, somehow, with no noise or exhaust, these super-jet skates propel the Rockets faster than normal roller derby competitors!!! However, the other Rockets don't want this fact revealed, 'cause then everyone would know they're cheaters, you see. Of course, violence ensues.
Uh-oh...Lois is outnumbered now. However will she escape?
Oh, that's right, back then she was still leaning of the Kryptonian self-defense art of Klurkor. Her and Shang-Chi.
Fortunately, fictional martial arts work pretty well:
And as always seems to happens in these stories, the real killer makes some innocent statement that Lois decides proves she's guilty. This killer, though, don't know from no Klurkor:
What results is the killer trying to get away on a motorcycle. Well, that may work against normal reporters, but not against award-winning reporters who happen to have a pair of rocket-powered skates!! The result: PAIN!!
Oh, Lois, is there no fake sporting event you can't turn into a front page story??
Oh, and I suppose I'd best reveal my secret shame: my home town has its own roller derby team, the Killamazoo Derby Darlings.
Sigh...Bahlactus, can you ever forgive me?
Lois' high-kickin', rocket skatin' crime solvin' adventure comes from Superman Family #198, 1979.
Lois Lane doing roller derby.Oh, Gerry Conway, what hath thou wrought?
OK, so Perry White, once again deciding that reporting on actual news events in the biggest city in the world is somehow beneath the Daily Planet, sends Lois Lane undercover to investigate roller derby.
Man, it hurts just to type that.
You see, the Metropolis Rockets advertise themselves as "The Fastest Roller Team in the World!" But Perry asked some experts, and they say that the Rockets actually skate faster than is "humanly possible"!!!! So he sends his best investigative reporter undercover to figure out how.
Meanwhile, after Lois makes the team, obviously tragedy has to happen. Out of nowhere, one of her teammates suddenly starts skating out of control--lethally so:
Lois' investigation uncovers the shocking fact that the Rockets...(wait for it) use motorized skates!!
Yes, somehow, with no noise or exhaust, these super-jet skates propel the Rockets faster than normal roller derby competitors!!! However, the other Rockets don't want this fact revealed, 'cause then everyone would know they're cheaters, you see. Of course, violence ensues.
Uh-oh...Lois is outnumbered now. However will she escape?
Oh, that's right, back then she was still leaning of the Kryptonian self-defense art of Klurkor. Her and Shang-Chi.Fortunately, fictional martial arts work pretty well:
And as always seems to happens in these stories, the real killer makes some innocent statement that Lois decides proves she's guilty. This killer, though, don't know from no Klurkor:
What results is the killer trying to get away on a motorcycle. Well, that may work against normal reporters, but not against award-winning reporters who happen to have a pair of rocket-powered skates!! The result: PAIN!!
Oh, Lois, is there no fake sporting event you can't turn into a front page story??Oh, and I suppose I'd best reveal my secret shame: my home town has its own roller derby team, the Killamazoo Derby Darlings.
Sigh...Bahlactus, can you ever forgive me?
Lois' high-kickin', rocket skatin' crime solvin' adventure comes from Superman Family #198, 1979.
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