It's Honesty, Not Whinesty.

So, I've been battling with what to do and what I want to do and what I need to do over the past couple weeks. And I THOUGHT last week I decided to just stop blogging for now. I didn't see where it was helping me at all, and I didn't see where forcing myself to make time for it would help matters right now.

But today, as I'm missing the community, and feeling guilty about how many of you guys I haven't dropped in on in so long (meaning: all of you), I decided instead of hiding from you all I'd just pop in and be honest. I mean, this blog was started with the original purpose to chronicle the journey to published author. What point it is if I disappear and don't write about it when things get a little sticky? (or cement like) Okay? So here we go.

I have nothing to post about that is helpful in any way to potential authors. (IMO, maybe someone else will see that it isn't all sunshine, magic fairy farts and a 6 figure book deal in 3 months time. Maybe that will help them not be discouraged to know other people don't make it so easy. I donno.)

I am not an author. I am a writer. Those things are completely different to me, and I do not feel comfortable trying to impart wisdom on anyone when I'm having such shit luck at querying my book right now.

I have absolutely nothing to offer you guys besides my opinions, my personality, and my experiences.

If you have any inclination to know any of those things about my writing experience and so forth, then that's what you'll get. But I don't want anyone to come here looking for huge knowledge barfs and expect to be the next anyone bigger than me (everyone) from my blog posts. Okay? I feel this is much better to tell you all, and lower the expectation in my own head for my blog, otherwise I will absolutely give it up until I can come back and say "I got an agent" or "I'm going to be published" or anything along those lines.

So lets try out honest me, not wracking-my-brain-for-advice-and-insight-that-I-just-don't-have-right-now me, and see how that goes, okay?

As of right this moment I'm querying and have been for a couple months. When I began I was like a cracked out horse busting out of the gate, hauling ass. I got requests for fulls almost immediately (and one from a DREAM AGENT holy crap!). So my head was practically floating it was so big. Which, I should have known then was my downfall.

See, I'm a believer that if my expectations are high, and I tell people about possible good news, I jinx myself. It always happens. Which. I did this time too. It was one agent after another with the fulls who came back and said no thanks without any explanation why. I know they're busy folks, and I don't bash them or wish them any harm because of it, I just donno what the problem is now or how to fix it.

And since then it has been a complete poop-storm of no's.

But, I did have another beta reader blaze through it in 2.5 days, and immediately ask for the second (which, obviously won't be written until the first's future looks bright.) So that was a bit of sunshine in the middle of my poop-storm.

I'm not discouraged yet. I have so much encouragement and love coming from other people, that it's hard to stay down about it all the time anyway.

But, isn't there a ratio or something--so many rejections vs requests and you need to tweak your query? If anyone knows what I'm talking about, feel free to educate me. I'm feeling like I may need to start the tweaking. 

But on the bright side, just finished up my Girl Trip for this year, and had a much needed time out from all the sighing and ho-humming.

So, all in all, I'm discouraged but not out. Writing a new book for distraction that I'm enjoying, and keep on plugging along.

How's everyone else going? I've been loving stalking around spying on good news here and there. New, gorgeous book covers and things. It's all fabulous! I'll stop lurking soon, I swear. ^_^

Happy Monday, all!